I am the Rain King

It feels so good to be able to talk to people about everything I swore I would never even be able to talk about.  I never understood the meaning or purpose behind support groups, whether it be AA or NA or almost any other type of group where people discuss things.  I just never saw a connection to how that can stop a physical craving to any type of substance.  I walked into my first meeting today.  I introduced myself.  I told them why I was there and how I got there and what I wanted to get out of coming.  Then, I listened to everybody else.  Everyone seemed so much worse off than I am, though I am happy that this fact didn’t satisfy me.  My primary counselor told us it isn’t ever a contest.  Just because I am better off compared to some people there doesn’t mean I don’t have a problem, a disease called addiction.

We talked about many different things: building relationships, having trust, realizing our own fear and anger.  When the meeting was over, my counselor came up to me.  He must have noticed how scared and uncomfortable I was.  He said: “you did great for your first meeting… I think you are going to be just fine.”  The second he said that, something clicked.  I walked out of there, drove home in silence and just thought to myself “I really can do this.”  I know I can.

Tonight, I start out-patient counseling.  Tuesday nights are discussion groups.  Nervous!