I am the Rain King

My Family is 0 for 2 this weekend in intelligent conversation.

Start of Dinner

Silence

Grandpa: (raises glass) Here’s a toast to Mitchell who will be turning 20 on wednesday…cheers!

Everybody: …..

Mom: Mitch turns 20 on october 3rd not on wednesday…

Grandpa: O i thought it was wed.

Me: Nope…

Grandpa: Oh well i sent you a card and a check already

Mom: Now you gotta send him two checks =)

Grandpa: Well, I’ll send him another card on his birthday.

Mom: My birthday’s tomorrow…send me a check.

Grandpa: hahahah no

Me: (walking in) here dad you got a package

Dad: Ahh it came!

Mom: What is it?

Dad: A sword…

Mom: …..

Mom: …………

Mom: why?

Dad: Half for decoration….half so that if someone comes into the bedroom in the middle of the night… I have a sword.

Mom: Can’t you just use a knife from the kitchen???

Dad: The bedroom is upstairs…if someone breaks in they will have access to a kitchen knife.

Mom: Then why can’t you bring a knife into the bedroom from the kitchen each night..?

Dad: Let me make sure the sword is the one I wanted…we’ll continue this convo later.

Mom (to me): Every night before i go to sleep, I PRAY to god that you and Alex have more of my genes than his.

Many people have seen my tattoo. I very frequently get one of these two responses

1. “What’s that mean?”

2. “REPRESENT”

First of all, although the 516 on my ankle area does represent something, I did not get the tattoo to try to be gangster or prove something to my ‘homies.’  516 is the area code of Nassau County, where I have lived my whole life.  To me, it means that wherever my life will take me, I will always have this tattoo as a simple reminder of my roots and the fact that i grew up in the shadows of both the ocean and the greatest city on the planet.  My memories of growing up her are  (for the most part) all great.  Everyone gets bored of where they are from sometimes.  It doesn’t mean where they live sucks, it just means they are sick of the sameness of it all.  Maybe next time someone asks what it means, i’ll say it’s the number of people i’ve killed or something thug like that.

This day off was not long enough.

I need another one.

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unsignedreality:

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Thanks for the love!

Those electronic door openers for handicapped people that are used by non-handicapped people.  On the way into work today some woman, very young and clearly in shape and healthy pressed the button to open the door to town hall.  She legit waited 5+ seconds and then walked in.  1.  It would be so much faster to open the door yourself. 2.  That button is pressed so many times daily by the non disabled that when someone in a wheelchair actually needs it, it will be broken due to overuse.  Some people have no empathy for those less fortunate and that’s truly sad.  I also (in hindsight) should have said something to this lady, but I let it slide.  That’s another thing that grinds my gears: not saying things at all that you regret later OR coming up with the perfect comeback after the time has already passed.  But i will save that for another segment.

horrible things.

So happy I get to spend the day with my baby again.  Every day I realize how lucky I am.

mmmmmmmmm